


The Thorns in Her Heart

by insanity_pad



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Gore, Character Death, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanity_pad/pseuds/insanity_pad
Summary: !!! TW: Major Character Death, Graphic Descriptions !!!-Anyone who knew Mikasa knew she had always been an emotionally withdrawn person, especially when it came to displaying emotions that were linked to weakness, so she was more than surprised when she woke up one day with an indescribable burning pain in her chest. Throughout all the years of her life, there had never been a moment where any sort of emotion would be too much for her to handle – not even pain. It caught her off guard.-OrMikasa wakes up one day and finds out she is suffering with the rare Hanahaki Disease due to a one-sided love. When she finds out she has less than 2 months of her life left, how will she spend them - suffering in silence or making an active effort to change her fate?
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 13
Kudos: 47





	The Thorns in Her Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Hope you enjoy reading this - make sure to read the trigger warnings and stay safe <3  
> If there are any errors, blame my sleep-deprived state at 4 in the morning as I wrote this at that time.  
> I'm actually pretty proud of how this came out so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Groggily, Mikasa opened her heavy eyes, a pain in her chest burning like the hottest flame known to mankind. Gasping, she clutched at the fabric on her night gown, desperately trying to make the pain succumb. Pure warmth seared through her body like a sharp knife while she hunched over under the khaki-green covers of the bed. 

After five painfully excruciating minutes, she shot up in the bed – checking her surroundings to make sure she was in the girl’s dormitory and not currently in a room that had been set alight. 

Anyone who knew Mikasa knew she had always been an emotionally withdrawn person, especially when it came to displaying emotions that were linked to weakness - so it wouldn’t be a surprise if anyone who saw her would be startled and shocked by her sudden outburst. Thankfully for Mikasa, she shared a room with Sasha who was a (slightly concerning) deep sleeper. Seriously, that girl would not wake up for any reason – unless it had to do with food – which had caused her to be on the bad side of the Commander multiple times before. 

The sudden outburst also startled Mikasa. Throughout all the years of her life, there had never been a moment where any sort of emotion would be too much for her to handle – not even pain. Not even the time when she had her ribs crushed by the hands of a titan could compare to the amount of pain she was experiencing at this moment. It caught her off guard.

Despite having the feeling that her insides had been set aflame, she tried her best to brush it off and ignore it for the rest of the day. Throwing off her nightgown and preparing herself for the day ahead, she hoped that the pain would subside, if only slightly, as she fastened her green cape securely around her that displayed the Wings of Freedom on the back proudly.

Surely it wouldn’t get any worse, right?

Oh, how wrong she had been. It got far worse.

Mikasa had no idea how bad it would get. It was like there were killer wasps hidden within her stomach, trying to force their way out. The pain had not only travelled down to her stomach, but up to her throat too. Her natural golden skin had sunken in tone to something so lifeless it scared others to look at while her eyes masked the pain through a thin veil of water that threatened to overflow at any moment. To make it worse, the pain seemed to increase any time Eren was present.

Whenever Eren was around, her head spun, and she felt the need to wipe away non-existent tears that want to form but don’t. Her lungs felt as if they were weighed down by lead, barren, stripped of moisture – stuffed to her mouth with thick, unmoving cotton – suffocating her from the inside out. The pain had an unpleasant warmth to it, eating at her stomach. There was nausea too – just enough to make her hold on to the nearest bench or table for support and breathe slow. 

The short black-haired female often prized herself in ignoring pain and just rocking on regardless, but that just wasn’t possible for that moment. It owned her, dominated every thought, controlled every action. 

It got to the point where her fellow squad members became concerned at her physical state. Usually top of the class, Mikasa now struggled doing simpler tasks she would normally excel at such as giving demonstrations or finishing tasks before everyone else. Instead, she would be desperately gasping to try catch her breath, wheezing as if the air she was inhaling passed straight through her lungs while clutching her chest tightly. 

Alarmingly, all Mikasa did when someone brought up their concern was shoot them down with a stern gaze, proclaiming she was ‘fine’ or just ‘needed a moment to rest’. 

A certain blonde-haired male was not convinced. 

By the end of the training, Mikasa was exhausted with barely enough energy to keep her eyes open for more than five minutes at a time. Sweat dripped down her forehead as she gulped down her flask of water in record time, not minding that she had spilled half of it down her now damp uniform. She inwardly groaned at the thought of being on stable duty that night; she wasn’t in the right mindset or mood to perform anymore physical activity for the rest of the day.

Unexpectedly, she felt a light tap on her shoulder causing her to jerk awake with a start.

“Mikasa?” The voice belonged to Armin; concern clearly etched on the features of his face as worry pooled in his eyes.

“Oh, hello Armin,” Mikasa greeted. “Do you need help with something?”

“I think you’re the one who needs help Mikasa. You look like you’ve just risen from a grave.” Despite the joke just made, Armin wasn’t entirely wrong. In fact, he was concerningly correct – her skin was ghostly pale, her eyes dull and devoid of life, her lips dry and cracked as if she had been without water for multiple days.

“I’ve already told you, I’m fine.” Mikasa stated as she (not very convincingly) stumbled over to a bench to sit down, followed by Armin who refused to give in.

‘He’s always so stubborn.’

“You need to get medical attention Mikasa, and I won’t take no as an answer.” Armin insisted, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at her with harsh, but caring, ocean-blue eyes.

Their eyes locked and they continued to stare for what seemed like forever, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes – it was a battle of wits, of determination, neither daring to tear their eyes away for a mere second. 

However, Mikasa eventually ripped her eyes away from his determined glare as she felt her chest become heavy and her throat felt as if it were closing on her, denying her access to oxygen that she hopelessly desired. Once again, she found herself wheezing and panting as if she had just run a five-mile jog.

What she was not prepared for was the look she caught a glimpse of in Armin’s eyes. It was one she herself was familiar with, always experiencing this feeling before venturing out with the Survey Corps, but she could hide it better than anyone she knew – that was a fact. In contrast, Armin was open with expressing his feelings, usually giving verbal conformation of how he felt before they departed. Whether it was happiness, sadness, fear, guilt or uneasiness, he always expressed them in one way or another. This time was no different.

-

Dread.

-

Armin’s eyes were swimming with pure dread. The usual glint in his eyes that would appear as he conversed with his friends had disappeared, substituted by a melancholy fear that consumed his soul. Mikasa had seen that look before. It was same look he had given his two best friends on that tragic day. The day that changed everything. 

When the titans broke the wall 7 years ago, it was as if hell had reigned down upon humanity. Many lives were lost and for the first time in their lives, the trio experienced what true despair felt like. It was soul-destroying. Knowing the world was falling apart around them and feeling helpless about not being able to do anything to stop it or prevent it. That was when they decided – as Armin held their gazes with those despair-induced baby-blue irises – they would fight for mankind’s sake, in order to protect the next generation of bright-eyed children from the hell they all experienced 7 years ago. 

“Mikasa…” Armin pulled Mikasa out of her thoughts with the soft tone of his voice as she sat there, grasping at the soft fabric of her uniform. “Please get help, not only for my sake, but for Eren’s sake too.” 

At the mention of Eren’s name, the aching present in Mikasa’s chest intensified like an unidentified longing that sprouted as his name left the blonde male’s lips. Armin was right. She had to stay strong. For Eren’s sake.

“Alright,” Mikasa eventually caved in, allowing Armin to help her get the medical attention she needed. They both walked to the medical room, taking occasional breaks to allow Mikasa to regain her breath.

When they got to the room, Armin instructed Mikasa to sit down while he searched for any available medical staff that could assist them. It was a quiet area of the Survey Corps’ base – the white-washed walls were soundproof so any sounds of wounded soldiers could not be heard by outside ears. The cries for help, the whimpers and anguished moans from the soldiers inside were all unknown to outsiders. Perhaps it was the government’s way of keeping up an illusion that everything was perfect inside the walls – happiness was possible. 

Mikasa dryly laughed at the thought. Nothing had ever been ‘perfect’. From the moment the walls were knocked down, everyone who experienced it and had lived to tell the tale were living a nightmare. 

“Oh, hey Mikasa! You’re the sick person Arlert wanted me to look at?” A voice boomed throughout the room, catching the attention of all within their proximity. 

Mikasa brought her eyes up to meet chocolate-brown orbs which were swimming with curiosity. Those eyes could only belong to the one and only Hanji Zoe, who took great pride in examining and discovering new information from titans. 

“Never thought I’d see you away from Eren in my life! Except for, you know, the couple weeks you had to go without him ahah!” Their hearty laugh rang throughout the enclosed space as the familiar aching in Mikasa’s chest intensified yet again.

“Anywayyyyy…” Hanji trailed off, a habit they tended to pick up on over the years. “What brings you here today?”

“I’ve got an ache in my chest,” Mikasa began to explain, knowing it would not help her to delay giving information to Hanji. “It feels like I’m burning from the inside, and sometimes it gets so bad that I can feel my throat close and I can hardly breathe.”

Hanji leaned in and listened intently, taking a mental note of what she said in order to make a correct diagnosis. 

“How long has it been going on for?”

“Since this morning.” Mikasa recalled, remembering how when she woke up there was an excruciating pain shooting through her body and sticking to her chest. 

“Have you been coughing up blood or phlegm or anything else?” 

“Not that I can remember.” She responded. “It only hurts to breathe, and I get out of breath easily.” Hanji looked up from where they were sat on a chair to look at Armin’s face, examining his features as if looking for confirmation that what Mikasa was saying was true. 

Armin took this as his cue to contribute to the conversation. “It’s true. Today she’s been out of breath more than usual and she finds it harder to do easy tasks.”

“Hmm… okay okay.” Hanji mumbled before shooting up from their chair, slightly startling the two young adults who were in their presence. “I’ll go get you some painkillers, they should help to limit the effect of the disease.”

The bright-eyed brown-haired individual quickly rushed away, carrying a look of acknowledgement within their eyes, something both Armin and Mikasa were able to see. They could also see the look of sadness too, as if they had just gone through the grief of losing a loved one. The kind of look you’d give to a friend who had recently lost a beloved pet in acknowledgement of the immense amount of suffering they’ll have to go through during the healing process. 

It was that look that made Armin fear for his friend’s life.

“Here you go.” Hanji dejectedly said while handing the box of painkillers to Mikasa. “Take two each day, one after breakfast and one after supper. Make sure she remembers to take them.” Hanji demanded while turning their body away from Mikasa to instruct Armin on his newly appointed orders as Mikasa’s temporary caregiver.

While Hanji’s back was turned, Mikasa felt her throat close and couldn’t help from letting out a dry cough as she tried to dislodge whatever was in her throat. It took a few attempts, but she finally managed to free the item from her throat as Hanji turned around as quick as a cheetah to see what was occurring. When they did, their face morphed from a look of shock to horror. Mikasa was confused to say the least, but as Armin’s gaze met hers, she saw that same look in both Hanji and Armin’s eyes that never resulted in anything ‘perfect’. It wasn’t until she felt the red liquid dripping down her chin and staining her white shirt crimson red that she realised the reality of the situation.

It was blood.

Red liquid drizzled down her chin like rain on a window as she stared in utter disbelief at the stain on her shirt. 

“Blood...?” Mikasa uttered (but it sounded more like gargling to the other two with her) as her mouth quickly filled up with the crimson liquid, causing her to splutter and cough out more blood, creating a small pool of blood on the floor surrounding her.

“Mikasa!” Armin exclaimed fearfully, his eyes alarmingly wide as he rushed over to her side, grasping the arm of her hunched over figure as more blood protruded from her mouth. “Hanji what’s going on?!” The worry in his voice painfully obvious as he fought to stop his voice from breaking.

“This is bad, really bad…” Hanji mumbled in response to Armin’s question before grabbing some papers and frantically shuffling through them in search of answers. When they reached the paper they were looking for, their expression turned serious, although there was a tiny hint of concern hidden behind their stern eyes.

“Armin listen to me. I know this is hard right now, but I need you to be strong to help Mikasa, okay?” They asked, waiting for Armin to manage a small nod before continuing. “Have you heard of the Hanahaki disease?”

Armin shook his head, fighting to stop the tears from falling.

“If I’m correct in my diagnosis, Mikasa is suffering from it. It involves unrequited love, and it causes the patient to cough up petals. Now tell me, does Mikasa have romantic feelings for someone who might not return those feelings?”

“M-maybe… I’m not sure,” Armin stuttered, trying to stay strong for Mikasa. “It might be Eren, she’s always admired him ever since we were children. She’ll do anything for him.” 

“What’s Eren’s favourite colour?” Hanji pressed him on, despite them having to mentally force themselves to block out the sounds of Mikasa’s wheezing and spluttering from behind him.

“I don’t see what this has got to do with- “

“Please just answer it, quickly!” In the heat of the moment, Hanji had unintentionally raised their voice, and if people’s attention weren’t drawn by the showcase of blood spilling out earlier, they were paying attention now.

“Orange.”

Dread filled in Mikasa’s mind. Her brain stuttered for a moment and her eyes took in more light than she expected. Every part of her went on pause while her thoughts caught up to her. It was as if the reality of the situation had knocked every wisp of air from her lungs, and she sat there struggling to inhale, to exhale, to do anything.

That’s how she felt in that moment – trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak, totally stunned. The colour bounced around inside her skull and with wide eyes she glanced down at the single, lonely petal that sat in her palms. A colour that would be etched into her mind forever. A colour that held so many unspoken words, promises and declarations of love. A colour that decided her fate at that very moment.

Despite being covered by the red sticky substance she had coughed up, the colour shone through brighter than a thousand suns.

-

Orange.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and criticism/feedback are appreciated <3


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